Graduation

I cannot believe that I graduate in 3 1/2 weeks. Oh. My. Goodness. Wow.

Just now, I had a slight paranoia attack and just had to go check and make sure all my graduation requirements were complete...even though I already knew. Can I tell you how incredibly fabulous it was to read "complete" for every single requirement? Somehow, I didn't really realize that the day would come when I would actually graduate from Brigham Young University. Really. Graduate. Like, cap and gown, family visiting, walking, diploma in the mail, graduate. I know how silly that sounds, but it really is true. It never hit me. Even when I applied for graduation. Even when I was figuring out cap and gown stuff. Even when I was telling my dad when to take off work.

Until tonight.

Then it hit me.

I'm graduating.

For real.

It feels like yesterday that Brittani and I moved in to Tingey Hall.

That I was a member of the good ole "Fiddy-Fifth" Ward.

Dr. Larry Nelson's FABULOUS mfhd 210 class. Which, to this day, is still one of my all-time favorite BYU classes.

The winter of ridiculous snow accumulation; AKA the winter of 2007-2008.

Frantically trying to find off campus housing for my sophomore year.

Too many late nights spent at Kiwanis park that February-April.

Realizing that an entire 4 month summer home in Wichita Falls was a little boring...sorry WF.

Realizing that I could live on my own....and survive. And thrive.

Being so grateful that I got that year to spend with Grandpa Breeze and Grandma Nichols. If I hadn't come to BYU, I wouldn't have gotten to know them as well as I did before they died. I'm so grateful for those experiences.

Living in a basement dungeon room on 9th and 9th.

Getting my very first car.

Getting the best job ever - working in the BYU Kindergarten.

Breaking my foot in the BYU Kindergarten. Twice. Within 7 months.

Getting to attend conference for the first time.

Learning how to deal with other people: roommates that I didn't get along with very well.

Lots of finals, midterms, and papers. All the time.

Deciding to move out of a not-so-good-situation. To a completely new place. Where I knew absolutely nobody (which, really, is not very foreign to me...thanks, dad. :p).

Finding the most awesome ward.

And the best roommate ever. Seriously. Emily G was the best roommate I have ever had.

And having the best, most confusing summer ever. It's funny how those went hand in hand last year.

My first year of teaching. Even though there was no BYU class, I worked harder than I ever have before. Ever. Oh, the tears, the late nights, the insane amount of Googling I've done (what did previous teachers do without google???). The lesson plans, last minute library trips, stress, TWS.

But, the hugs. the pictures. the sweet faces I get to see every day. the light bulbs that go off every day. That is the best part of my first year; discovering the true joy that comes with teaching.

Meeting this remarkable guy.....and getting to befriend him. And then date him. And be relaxed, and myself, and unstressed and patient and lots of other good things. See, he makes me want to be a better person.

Gearing up for my last summer with flying benefits...travel, here I come!

Oh and being stressed about finding a job...every graduate's struggle.

Graduation, I'm ready for you. Bring it on.

Oh, and, while looking at graduation stuff, I noticed my ACT scores again. And look, I'm just proud of them! 34, baby! 99% of the nation AND BYU. So there. I win. :)

Keeping Touch With Joy

Jeanne Ray, in her book, Eat Cake, got it right:

"Cakes have gotten a bad rap. People equate virtue with turning down dessert. There is always one person at the table who holds up her hand when I serve the cake. 'No, really, I couldn't,' she says, and then gives her flat stomach a conspiratorial little pat. Everyone who is pressing a fork into that first tender layer looks at the person who declined the plate and they all think, 'That person is better than I am. That person has discipline.' But that isn't a person with discipline, that is a person who has completely lost touch with joy. A slice of cake never made anybody fat. You don't eat the whole cake. You don't eat a cake every day of your life. You take the cake when it is offered because the cake is delicious. You have a slice of cake and what it reminds you of is someplace that's safe, uncomplicated, without stress. A cake is a party, a birthday, a wedding. A cake is what's served on the happiest days of your life."

Now, I don't particularly like cake myself, but I love the principle of this. You could substitute anything delicious here, like cinnamon rolls, or cream cheese chicken, or Olive Garden, or anythiing, really.

Discipline isn't depriving yourself of all that you find good in this life. It is simply everything in moderation. Discipline is saying to yourself, "I will eat that piece of cake, and enjoy it, and then I'm done." It's being able to stop after one piece. Or one TV show, or one movie, or one night out a week. It's having the determination to keep everything, even good things, in moderation. Knowing that too much of a good thing is bad for you and that you will tire of it.

It's keeping touch with joy.

Being able to enjoy that piece of cake to its fullest, savoring each and every bite. Telling yourself that it is just fine for you to have this piece of cake, and to savor every delicious morsel. To be happy that you can find joy in the little parts of life, and that you have the discipline to control yourself. Loving every second that you eat that cake. Enjoying the moment with the people around you; remembering these moments. All of these are involved with keeping touch with joy.

Notice that, in the analogy, several people were handed a piece of cake, but they all saw it in different ways. Keeping touch with joy isn't in the cake itself, but in your attitude about the cake.

As I get older, I'm finding that outside sources of joy are harder and harder to come by. I'm realizing that I need to find joy within myself, or I will never be as happy as I could be. As Benjamin Franklin said, "Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of the mind than on outward circumstances." This is not to say that circumstances do not affect happiness, but that your attitude affects your happiness 1 trillion percent more. It's the whole glass empty/full idea. Change your perspective on a situation and you'll be surprised how much better you feel. Instead of , "why me, oh woe is me" attitude, think, "wow, I am sure learning a lot from this experience!" Not only will you learn more, but your happiness and your contentment will increase. And everyone loves to be around happy people! :)

The Pollyanna Effect

Tonight, I'm feeling a little lonely. It's one of those nights that I really wish I had a best friend who's a girl living around here. It's one of those days that everything that could have gone wrong, did. And I wish I was exaggerating.

I've got some things I need to vent to someone. And a real person, not my teddy bear, as comforting as he may be. :)

Ever since I lost my best friend of 6 years, I have yet to make another so-called BFF. I have quite a few friends, and a couple that I talk to frequently, but no girls that I would deem a best friend, someone I can share anything with at any time. You know what? I miss that. I miss that freedom, that bond with someone.

Especially on nights like these, however selfish that sounds.

Okay. Enough pity party for myself. I'm going to play the Pollyanna game to try and cheer myself up.

1. I'm glad there are only 8 more Mondays left of school.
2. I'm glad that 18 of my kiddos understand double and triple digit subtraction.
3. I'm glad bus duty only lasts 1 week.
4. I'm glad that I'm healthy.
5. I'm glad I have a roof over my head. A fairly stable one.
6. I'm glad that I got to see my family last weekend. I love them.
7. I'm glad Megan's coming to BYU.
8. I'm glad that I can check out books from the library.
9. I'm glad for my teddy sometimes. He's snuggly.
10. I'm glad that Cindy gave me one of her super cute clocks. Although I'm still trying to find a place for it.
11. I'm glad that I didn't lose my keys.
12. I'm glad that I am a part of a dinner group.
13. I'm glad that I am getting stronger.
14. I'm glad for pink plaid pajama pants.
15. I'm glad for a pretty homemade flower in a glass bottle on my desk.
16. I'm glad for an awesome picture on my desktop.
17. I'm glad for even cooler pictures on my wall. Oh and my sweet clocks.
18. I'm glad for physical, tangible reminders of things that are gone right now and feel like only a memory.
19. I'm glad for hot chocolate.
20. I'm glad for Jamie's delicious BBQ pork sandwiches.
21. I'm glad for music.
22. I'm glad for running and cleaning; two things that get my mind off anything going on.


Hmmm...helped a little bit. Not as much as I hoped it would, but some. Look, I found 22 things to be glad about, and I feel like I could come up with more with a little bit more time! This is better than spending my evening feeling like a pathetic little girl....even though I totally am.

Taylor Swift

Can say things the way no one else can.

She can express things in her songs that I am feeling, but couldn't ever hope to accurately express.

And it's not just the main, commonly felt emotions. It's the weird, complicated, mixed-up emotions that I feel that she sings about and describes to a "t."

Does this girl know about my life? I mean, seriously. I'm kidding, but she sings songs that describe my life. All the time.

New Favorite

Tonight, I discovered a new favorite thing to do: Go back and read journal entries from the last year. I'm not super awesome at writing in my journal usually, but my roommate Emily and I used to have "journal time" every night in the summer.

I MISS JOURNAL TIME!!! And Emily.

Anyways, tonight I was putting stuff in and writing a little, and I decided to just go back and skim through some stuff. And it was hilarious!! I'd forgotten about a couple of little things that happened and it was really, really fun to go back and relive some things.... ;)

Oh, and I used silly words. Like "doofer." Multiple times.

Also, I don't think anyone is ever going to be allowed to read this. It's that ridiculous. My brain is the weirdest ever.

Theodor Seuss Geisel

This man was a genius.

Brilliant, intelligent, and a master with words.

Witty, humorous, imaginative, and frank.

His social commentary left little room for disagreement.

His creative ingenuity led him to create new worlds full of interesting creatures, such as the Gox, the Onceler, and, of course, the Cat in the Hat.

His characters were full of confidence and belief and imagination(think Yertle the Turtle).

He was a competitive man - he wrote Green Eggs and Ham on a dare. Someone said he couldn't write a book with 50 words or less. So he did. It has exactly 50 words.

He teaches children social concepts subtlely and in ways they can understand (think the Sneetches).

His rhythym and rhyme are impeccable and leave nothing to be desired.

He inspires children to use their own imaginations to create wonderful stories.

He manages to make his stories relatable to children, no matter how far out the setting or the characters are.

His illustrations, while using very few colors, are detailed enough to keep children riveted and discovering new things for quite a while.

His books are fun for kids to read - they WANT to read his stories.

His books flow smoothly from one line to the next, from one page to the next.

He was, quite honestly, a literary hero. One of my literary heroes.

And I wish I owned all of his books.