2010

I've been planning for the last week and a half of school before break, and it's hard to believe that 2010 is over! It has been such an interesting and eventful year. In January, I thought that there was no way I was going to make it until the end of the winter, much less the end of the year. It was a really, really hard beginning to a new year for me. I was having serious roommate issues (a couple of my own making, most beyond my control), I had very few friends, and I lived in a basement "dungeon." Life was not super awesome, and I was really struggling with one big issue that was completely beyond my control; I could only control my reaction to what was happening. That was hard for me.

But then, I moved to Carriage Cove, made friends, ended up with an AWESOME roommate, and several other great things happened in quick succession. I look back to myself in January, and I am a different person now. I would say that this change was able to take place because I removed myself from the situation I was in and Heavenly Father put me in the place where I needed to be. I really needed to be here, in this apartment, in this ward this summer. So many great things happened because of it, and I am so grateful.

So, because I like lists, here are some things that I have learned in 2010 (or relearned, as the case may be :p):

You can't control your situation. You can control the way you react to it.

I am in control of my attitude; no one else. Others may influence me, but I am the one who ultimately decides how I feel today.

For me, sunlight is a necessary part of life. Not living in a basement has done wonders for my outlook on life.

Teaching is just as hard as I thought it would be, but a million times more rewarding.

If you let him, Heavenly Father will take care of you. I didn't even ask Him to help me out early this year, but He still saw fit to put me right where I needed to be.

Patience.

Creating and maintaining relationships with other people is critical in this life. I spent a year and a half feeling anti social and it really brought me down. When I finally came out and interacted with people, I felt so much better.

Roommates can be awesome.

Commuting is not so bad. I actually kind of enjoy the half hour drive to and from school.

As hard as it can be for me, talking about a problem does wonders. Even if the person I'm talking to can't fix my problem, just saying it out loud somehow helps to work it out.

Things are not as scary as they seem.

Apologies are vital. I was angry enough that I thought that I had done no wrong, but I took a step back and realized that I was just as much in the wrong as she was, because of the way I handled what happened. I wrote an apology letter. To this day, I don't know if she even read it, but I hope she did. I hope she knows that I am sorry for the way I reacted to the situation and I hope that we can be friends again one day.

I don't deal very well with friends moving away. My whole life, I've been the one who moves. This time, it was my best friend. That's been hard. I need her a lot more then I let on. It's hard for me to not have the one person that I tell everything to close at hand.

Moving is built into me. I'm not saying that I have to move around a lot, but in this situation this year, moving was exactly what I needed to be able to regain control of my life.

Crying is necessary. Even if you feel that what you are crying over is stupid, it helps to release those emotions and it helps you to move on.

Songs speak to me.

I am a "fix-it" person. I feel really deeply when others are hurting, and all I want to do is make it better. That's the only thing I want - I want people to be happy.

When I feel emotion, I feel it very, very strongly. I feel very deeply, but I am not very good about letting on to others how I feel. I learned that publicly showing my emotions is something I need to work on. Since I feel everything so strongly, I keep it inside because it is usually the only way I know how to deal with emotions (good or bad ones).

Playing piano is how I cope with life. It is also an indisputable, irrevocable part of who I am. I am a pianist. It is part of my identity and this talent is important to me.